“Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I assure you that mine are greater.” Albert Einstein said once and I may be quoting him out of context, however, relatively speaking it is just what is tailor mode for my experience or rather to be more precise the lack of it – with math.
Like all students I have had a love and hate relationship with mathematics, and I am sure if I asked this august audience if math was their dreaded subject many would raise their hands and the remaining would passively acknowledge. Like I said earlier my difficulties in mathematics are greater than yours. My difficulties not only concern my abilities of tackling a problem, they are based on some disabling assumption that a person with disability is not capable of taking up mathematics as a subject in school. The education system does not care about our mathematical difficulties. It integrates arbitrarily.
No I am making generalised statements which can never be completely true. The truth is education system does care. It believes that a person with disability should be given a handicap to bring them at par with other students so that can compete competently at the school leaving examination. This handicap is an exemption from appearing for the advanced mathematics paper, which so-called normal children are made to appear as a compulsory subject. A handicap may theoretically make contestants equal, however, but the handicapper is not considered a winner even if he manages to win it, not in the true sense. The handicap would always be a grim reminder of the validity or to be precise the invalidity of the contest.
There are many incidents that raise the validity of equality gained through exemptions, and I often lose sleep over it (this sometimes makes me wonder if my insomnia is a result of not being able of count sheep properly??).
Fellow students, friends remind me of the handicap: advantage given to equalize chances in the examination — a red asterix - next to mathematics - which tells the reader on the next page about the exemption and concession that this examinee received. And not to forget relatives and family friends who would tell my mother : This boy has a great future ahead of him and then casually point their finger to the asterix , Oh what’s this, Lets see, Ah you were exempted from mathematics? Then going blah blah about their son being very good at it and their saga of getting admission to a prestigious college etc… Oh stop it I don’t want anymore hear any more of your son.
However much I hated them their words were prophetic after the euphoria of having done well, especially in other subjects, died its natural death. I applied for various courses and was rejected as the criterion for admission was - you guessed it math. Reluctantly I was forced to major in a subject which was not my first choice and also not popular at all with employers. A vocational course was needed to be learnt to earn later. Learning Computers meant a start of a great rewarding career. A career that promised fast life, fast cars and fast girls, but in order to achieve them one needed to be fast with algorithms which invariably needed mathematics. Bingo.. back to square 1 after going round an entire circle. To make things worse and discouraging if somewhere down the line I could ask the computer if the Riemann hypothesis is correct and it said, `Yes, would say it true, but I wouldn't be able to understand the proof.
It is not the acquisition of knowledge, but the act of learning; it is not having things decided for you but HAVING THE ABILITY to make a choice. The choice to fail is better than having none.
